Hey everyone,
I have been on and off this forum for some time. I wasn’t ready. I am now. I’m tired of the rat race.. the stuff I do to try and chase the high..
I am a caregiver for my mother and moved back home to be there to help with her rheumatoid arthritis and congestive heart failure. She is doing well. Sometimes she wakes up before I have had my dose of opiates and I fake that I was asleep. I’ll say: “Oh let me get an hour of sleep” - when I mean “let me try and get high so I’m in a better frame of mind.”
I have found my depression is pretty bad.. and I’ve been using my legitimately prescribed medicine more to try and be happy while going day to day.. I have a herniated disc.. and have had surgery, but my back is much like my relatives’. We just have bad backs..genetically.
So the prescription lasts a week.. then I use kratom to be happy until I can get my refill. I’m done. I’m going to have my Mom hold my medicine next month and give me the proper dosage. Clearly I cannot trust myself. I’m an addict.
I know all to well the withdrawal symptoms. I don’t care. Once I’m through them I won’t have to do them again. I’m only worried about the depression. I am going to focus on weight loss and find happiness through exercise. It’s a win-win. I lose weight and my back won’t hurt as much while I find happiness naturally.
Why am I posting? Does exercise help with depression? Yes I’ve checked with my doc and she wants me exercising ASAP.
In a nutshell, I need to get my life in order.. a better job - but need to lose weight. Need to stop abusing my medicine and find happiness through a better diet and exercise.. I just haven’t been ready to mentally/nor have I been mature enough. I’m done wallowing in self-pity. I’m just done chasing the high that I don’t necessarily get anymore.. all I get is a level of guilt and shame that I cannot deal with.. the depression will hopefully subside with exercise.. mind you I haven’t really exercised in a few years.. it has to be the answer - right?
Before you ask:
35 years old
abusing ~50mg norco daily
Hoping exercise and diet make me happy and I can utilize my meds for what they are intended to be used for.
What do I need to know? Will exercise and diet help? Looking to find happiness naturally as antidepressants have never really worked. Was always told to exercise but never did.
Thanks for your support and thoughts.