Thanks for the input, even though I don't want to believe things will get that bad. I guess nobody believes it will be that bad until it happens to them.
Our domestic situation: We don't have kids together. My two are adults and out of the house. One of his is an adult and the other is a senior in high school; neither lives with us or visits. He has dinner with his kids several times a month. We both work, though he makes much more than I do. I can change that, and I need to start working on making more money.
We talked a couple of nights ago, and he's still using. Just a tiny amount, according to him, but he hasn't stopped. I should have my car repaired by the end of this week, and even though it's going to be inconvenient, I'm going to close my bank account that he has access to and open another in my name only. I don't have access to his account, so I have no idea what's going on there. He deals in cash a lot. Wow...that's probably a red flag, isn't it?
Dealing with our mutual friends and deciding how much to tell them is difficult. He wants to come home, but he's not willing to make any changes, get help, or even tell me what's going on.
I've given up the drug test request for now. I think I was trying to control a situation that I can't control.
Mostly, I'm just sad.