Hi Trailmix
It is nice to see that I am not the only one who has experienced these things. It makes me sad, that other people have had to be damaged, like I was, but it is so nice that we can talk about it here. I can't talk about it to my friends, they would never understand. They keep telling me things like "get over it" and your better off without him. Easier said then done.
I keep going over it in my head, I suppose that is normal. I don't want to believe that it was all a lie but from what I can see here, this is normal for addicts.. You are right about the thinking about drugs, it was all he could think about. It consumed him. From the time he texted his dealer until he finally got his drugs, If the dealer said 30 min, he would be calling or texting after 31 minutes. It was crazy. The minute he got the drugs, he was happy as could be.
He definitely did do me a favor by leaving, he would have destroyed all that I have worked so hard for. I just wish the favor didn't have to include breaking my heart. I wish he had done me a favor sooner or I had been smart enough to walk away early on. But as they say, love is blind...boy is it
Thank you for the book suggestion, and for helping me learn how to use this space, I am definitely going to stick around, it is helping me heal and maybe someday my story can help someone else..