I honestly feel that if I’m going to be sober, I personally need to be able to achieve this outside AA. So far the responses have been what im doing wrong. Which seems to be the AA response. I failed AA but why not assume aa failed me. I don’t mean that in a negative light but maybe the AA program is just not meant for me. I don’t want to be scared that I might drink again as aa says. I want to be confident and not guarded. I don’t want to live in a room of drunk a logs and resentments for the remainder of my sober life. I want to use the tools aa has given me and feel free. I don’t feel free in aa. I feel constricted in body and mind. I’ve been interested in refuge recovery. I’ve taken the precepts in Buddhism and have read the 12 steps through Buddhism. This, I feel is more me and search for a sound mind. I like this route because it doesn’t dwell in alcoholism as Aa does, it goes deeper into finding your true self.