My first thought was why you needed to tell US? Could be plenty of answers, and I'm not being snarky - it's just that this is exactly the stuff to take to your sponsor.
Things like the disease model, spiritual malady, things we did not being that bad...all common to balk at or find "don't apply" to us, so that's behind working the steps.
No reason you HAVE to do AA, but just from what you've shared, it doesn't sound like you have committed to the program to see if it will work for you. Which isn't going to meetings and having a sponsor. So that's an option.
| "Sometimes, I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast." - Alice in Wonderland |