hi Jd,
i haven't found AA to be about daily reminders about "what a terrible person i was", though i have been to meetings and met many whose focus seems to be entirely on how sick we all are and continue to be and will always be.
i am quite well
. applying the principles has to a great degree gotten me there.
it is entirely up to you to decide/know if you are an alcoholic in the sense that identifier is used in AA or dealing with bad habits.
if i were in your position, i would likely examine these guilty feelings to see what they are about, ask myself guilty towards whom? am i doing something wrong? who am i hurting? am i afraid, and if so, of what? am i trying to avoid something?
and i'd sit with those in my way of being with my "HP".
for me, "fitting in" is a different thing than saying that AA is not for me; fitting in has been a lifelong thing, the feelings of NOT fitting in. so, for me, that is not an indicator of anything much
you say you have questioned your intent, from the moment you first went. that might be a great place to get some clarity - your intent.