Leaving AA
Ive been in AA for almost a year now, I've been sober for a year and 3 months. AA has been a constant struggle for me. Since my very very 1st meeting where a fella looked at me and said about himself, "Im a real alcoholic". From that moment on I have questioned my intent in AA. I have a great sponsor and have met some great people but there's a lingering feeling of this just ins't working. To be honest, i really don't feel alcoholic until I'm in a meeting. I feel I've become attached to the thought of "having a disease". Even though I feel I don't fit in, i feel guilty if I don't go to meetings or I'm not up to date with my sponsor, I lagged through my steps because my amends list was actually really small. I appreciate what AA has done, which has allowed me to look at myself and bad habits that ruled my world. Im more in tune with my decisions and I am thankful for my sobriety that AA helped me with. I feel it stops there though. I want to be able to function without the need of meetings, shares and sponsors. Daily reminders of what "a terrible person I was". Any insight would be great and thank you in advance.