Originally Posted by
Sohard 
but the problem is that right now I feel like I really WANT it. I want to not want it right now. I need to not want it right now.
The Beast and AV is about all I know about AVRT. You would know more.
but...I'm betting that you, the real you SoHard, the real you as opposed to your Beast, the you who is author of many posts here over many months, does not want to drink.
You may be thinking it's easier to drink than fight or disappoint your mom, you may be thinking one drink won't hurt - you'll just sip at it right? - and you may be thinking you can go back to being sober after this drinking, but that's all your addicted self.
For me recovery is not about not wanting to drink.
I wanted to drink sometimes my first two years and some occasions after that.
Its about wanting to drink but not drinking.
Its about knowing the difference between you and your addiction,
its about choosing what you know is the right road - a little short term pain for long term gain.
Thoughts are thoughts - it's what we do with them that counts.
That's a true measure of recovery.
You can still make the right call, SoHard
D