Visiting my mom, who doesn’t know of my issue. I’m at 257 days. She’s ordered wine. We used to drink wine together. It’s cold, snowy, and I’m feeling bored. Just bored. I think drinking would be fun and comforting. I know it would be actually. It would.

but I know I can’t. So I’m asking for help. That’s what everyone says to do. I feel like the decision is out of my hands. Like I’m destined to drink. I always think I’m past this. ****.