Hi Cityboy, sounds like you would benefit from permanent abstinence, but your family would benefit even more. Don't forget you're modelling adult male behaviour to your son.
Heavy alcohol consumption does tend to catch up with us in our 40s or 50s. If you can make sobriety stick it will have amazing ramifications through your mental and physical health. If you want to scare yourself, Google the stages of alcoholism.
The first step for me was to realise I couldn't moderate. I had to stop drinking completely. Once I set that as my goal, somehow it became easier.
I'll run you through what worked for me:
- confided in my doctor. It's hard to get the words out, but either tell him/her, or write it on a piece of paper. Just be honest.
- Took care of the danger period after work by having a cup of tea, or a juice or a snack. If you create a ritual with a soft drink that you previously had with alcohol you might be surprised how quickly the new habit helps.
- worked out a quick 5 deep breaths exercise to deal with cravings. It was like magic.
- stayed away from events which included alcohol for at least six months.
- got lots of reinforcement and support from logging into SR every day.
Hope this helps when in time the cravings return. It's the long term you have to think about, not just a few days. Good Luck!
"I was looking for the key for years....but the door was always open."