New to site, day 5
Followed a link to here from another forum. Had never thought about there being a site like this.
I began using alchohol at 16 (legal age was 18 but it wasn't a problem) and probably due to behavioral and teen issues at that time progressed rapidly and soon had some level of dependence. Fast forward three decades or so. I have a modestly successful small business, basically as a functioning alcoholic, but there can be no question that alchohol use has limited my success. Also a nice little family, but I know that there have been some issues with my wife that most likely would have been much less serious or even nonexistant otherwise, and I know that she has considered her options at times as a direct result of my behavior patterns associated with drinking. My kid has seen me drunk so many times that I'm sure it has an affect on him somehow.
For a few years I've told myself that it was time to cut back. A couple of years ago I drank too much to drive home from the church Christmas party and my wife wouldn't take me back to my car until the next morning, and I thought "who does that?"
I've tried putting it down a few times but have not had any luck going past a week or so. Drinking a couple of beers after work is a myth as it will inevitably be a 12 pack or more. Last week I drank almost a 12 pack and two bottles of wine one night after work. Having a mixed drink at a friend's house goes the same way and before you know it we are opening a fresh bottle.
Really I'm just sick of it all. Sick of apologizing for what I said in front of my buddies the previous night. Sick of passing out drunk in my recliner every other night in front of my wife and kid. Sick of considering myself lucky to have not gotten a DUI on the way home. Sick of limiting interaction with my customers to days with minimal hangover before the drinking starts.
Thank you for providing a place to at least get it off my chest.
One AM and five days in. Telling myself I could wait until the weekend, but I know that it will just continue the same pattern unless I put it down completely.