So, thanks all for the support and messages. Today I've started telling a few key work people that I will be going to hospital for some time for help with an ongoing health issue. Thanks Abraham, because this makes it easier than going into too much detail with them.
So, I have the rest of the week to sort out work and handover, but I am still committed. Some mild panics this morning, but then I think - ok, I'm getting help. Which means people will help me. It has been such a lonely journey so that thought eases my mind.
I haven't stopped yet. I drank less last night, but still had a vodka breakfast this morning. I stopped myself four years ago, but I didn't sleep for three days and I think I need medical help for this one. But I'm making plans for what I need to do in advance for work, what I need to pack for the hospital, etc.
I'm not sure what the process will be in the clinic (it's a hospital but I'm not sure if there are separate sections for addiction / rehab-type things). I do know that there are therapists there, which is good because I really could do with talking to somebody.
I'm holding off Googling what it would be like, because, maybe it's stupid, but I'd almost like to go in and see how it is done by the professionals there, rather than trying to form my own opinion and freak myself out.
The only thing I'm worried about is how long I might have to stay, as work clearly has to know this, but I guess that's totally up to my situation once I get assessed, so, we will see.
Still positive. It kind of feels unreal. But, telling work people already means it will happen. It's trying to take back some control about my situation instead of questioning everything, but doing nothing.