Had an awful dream last night that I was drinking again. It was one of those dream that feel so real, you think it's real life.
Not even excessively drinking, I had a glass of red wine, but I didn't even realise in my dream what had happened until AFTER I started drinking it. I remember thinking, oh, I've had a sip of wine.
And in the dream, I just accepted it at first and thought, oh well. Guess I have to start again. And then all the hard I've put in came flooding back. I felt so sick and so upset.
I woke up in a panic and a sweat. It was awful. I was so over the moon delighted when I realised it was a dream, I actually almost started crying when I woke up. I know now at least my brain is subconsciously associating with me drinking again as horrible. It honestly now feels like one of the worst things that could happen to me. But it also just re-affirmed that I know my alcoholism still exists inside me.
I'm 16 and a half months sober. Each day is different, most are now comparatively easier, and some days are randomly harder that I expect, and for no reason. Hope to never have a dream like that again though
