I've tried every which way and ultimately decided that the best thing for me is to synthesize a program that works for
me. This includes posting and reading here, seeing a therapist, reading elsewhere, reminding myself of the concepts of Rational Recovery (AVRT), staying in touch with people who love me, and (gasp!) going to AA. This last was also most definitely "not for me." I found that the program was simply "too religious," "too intolerant," and "too rote" for me. But then a friend here gently suggested that I consider that I might be exercising contempt prior to investigation. And you know, she was right. Going to meetings doesn't qualify as investigation.
The first 164 pages of the Alcoholics Anonymous book
is the program of AA and I found upon careful reading that it's a sound program. I attend meetings because I find great comfort in the presence of other drunks. I'm learning to filter out the "embellishments" that many of those humans pile on top of the simple program. It's good for me to practice tolerating that humanity and advocating for my own truth.
To take a phrase out of context, "this is the proper use of will."
O