It's a bit like though, with health problems at the start of this year I was in a routine which kept these health problems stable to some degree. I got on with tidying my home each day then walking the dog to a local field 2 mins from my house. I wasn't drinking at all or gambling.
Suddenly in April my dog was savaged by another dog, the owner of which saw my dog being savaged but turned their back and walked away. My dog was in a horrible state, yelping, bleeding and shaking. I had been bitten by the other dog as well. I got home as quickly as I can.
Back at home he needed to go to the vets but I just couldn't leave my house. I had no way to get there. I literally couldn't go out of that door as I was experiencing extreme fear and shock from the attack which was really nasty where the other dog tore it's teeth into mine, lifted him in the air and was violently shaking its head to cause maximum damage.
No taxis is this area. No friends to call upon, family are dead, I don't drive. I couldn't go, days passed and my dog was getting worse. Still I was unable to leave the house.
Literally what else do I do? The choice was do nothing and my dog could die or somehow numb the shock, fear and carry him to the vets. Well yep, to save my dog's life I drank 5 bottles of beer to ease that shock and distress and got him to the vets. It's a very good job I did because he had an infected abscess which if it had been left like that, it would have spread and killed my dog.
I can wholeheartedly say that in that instance, if I hadn't consumed alcohol, my dog would be dead now as there's no way I could have taken him.
Even though drinking worked that one day, the long term support after the dog attack wasn't there and as a result of things, rather than have the support to deal with it properly, I still struggle to walk my dog and suffer with PTSD over the incident.
The moral of that is, the unfortunate way my life is health wise and lacking any support means when crisis point happens, what choices are there?
That's not to say I want to drink, in fact I don't. Like look at the dog attack thing, I'm sure that if in the following weeks and months I dealt with things by having 5 drinks a day to rid the fear, panic and distress of even the thought of walking him, I'd have been able to carry on with daily walks and the issue would have been buried.
Yet because I tried to just embrace what happened and deal with it as best I could without alcohol, I've ended up with long term mental health issues (PTSD) from it. At this current second I'm trying not to even think about a dog walking off the lead because it sets off my PTSD and I fill with anger and panic, the same feelings I had the moment the dog attack was happening.
What I need in my life because of my health problems is just complete stability, no more distressing things, no more upset, crisis or impossible situations as I simply don't have the mental capacity or capability of dealing with those sorts of happenings without any support.
If I can achieve that then the drinking and gambling just won't be a part of my life anymore.