Ok so...
Christmas was nice. He didn’t use and wasn’t too grumpy; had a nice day with my family and the kids...
Then Friday came; a full 7 days since he last went and I could tell even from the morning that it was on his mind. He came straight out with it and said he was struggling. I offered distraction, anything to help put his mind off it but he started an argument 🙄 and off he went. I told him if he went, not to come back. But he either didn’t care or didn’t think I meant it.
Anyways, I tried to stay calm, told him he’d have to move out. Que recriminations, begging.., the usual. I made him sleep on the couch, told him I meant it.
The next day, Saturday we had plans to go out with friends and my mum was babysitting. I stil meant what I said, but I wasn’t ready to tell my mum so out we went. I didn’t really talk to him, spoke to my friend. He promised me that he’d stop, give me all the extra money he’d make etc.... what can I say? I fell for the ******** again!
Got back home, he went out to let the dog out and GUESS WHAT? He ‘found some he’d lost the night before’ I swear to god I’d laugh if it wasn’t so ******* pitiful.
Anyway, mum was round so I put the argument off til the morning, mum went early, I sat him down, calmly to discuss. He tried to lie, gave me the whole ‘I didn’t go to score, I just found a bit’ 🙄 I didn’t want to get into a full scale row as we had our last prearranged plans with other friends today...
went to friends house, had a very pleasant afternoon, he fell asleep on their couch for over an hour leaving me to control the children. He drank so I drove. On the way home, he told me he was meeting his friend who’d been away for a while and had some money for him (after our argument fri, he’d gone to walk his friends dogs as he was away, so I knew the money bit was legit) but sti very suspicious about why he needed to charge out the minute we got home.
So we get home, he asks ‘why am I moody? I always give him **** when he wants to go out’ etc I tell him yeah of course I do as it means he’s going to score 🙄 he literally runs out the door and into his car (shock horror he told me he was going to meet his friend down the alley).
He goes MIA for a while but by this point I’m NOT bothered. Eventually calls nearly 3 hours later, I can tell by his voice he’s high as a ******* kite... why has he called? His friend needs to go to wales tomorrow so would I mind him driving there with the kids if he provides the petrol?
Last. *******. Straw.
Ive messaged my boss to say I need this week off to settle my affairs, ive told my husband if he comes back I’ll be calling the police. I’m not sure where to go from here; think I’m in shock as I feel strangely calm, although I have shed a few tears. He’s non stop calling and texting but I feel numb to it.
Just not sure what to do next? Kids not back to school til next Tuesday, he’s not back to work til Thursday. I just want to stay away from him because I know I’m weak and I don’t want to give him the opportunity to talk me round. I don’t know if I can keep him out of the flat because his name is on the tenancy too but I don’t want to leave as this will unsettle the children even more.
God he’s good with the emotional black mail, you should read the messages he’s sending me! He’s had me so conditioned over the years. Always telling me he can’t be a junkie as he hands me over his wages every week to pay bills (minus the £80 a week he takes and the extra £30-£40 he makes on the side). He’s tried telling me I’ve got it good and would I prefer him to sink a bottle of whiskey and beat me or run around chasing other woman?
i mean, im no supermodel, but even I know my options aren’t limited to that! And do you know what? Even if they are my options I’ll just stay bloody single! I’m worth more than being married to an active addict who would sell my soul to get one more hit.
Now, can I please hear some of your stories? I’d like to know what others have been through and do you know what? A little bit of validation that I’m not overreacting.... years of being told that my opinion of his drug use is over the top has taken a slight hold of I’m honest....
ive got no idea how I’m going to cope now with my job, bills, rent etc no bloody idea!