Cos,
I think you might already know this, but going back to my home state is a sure-fire trigger for me. And I'm not sure about you, but if I rent a hotel and a car, you can bet that's because the beast has a plan to drink and I will provide it with the legs and arms to facilitate it's desires.
This has happened so reliably that I've decided there's no way I can go there until I've got at least six months sober. It's just too risky. (Not that this prevented me from relapsing right here in my own back yard, of course. So you know for sure there's no finger pointing here!)
I wouldn't dream of giving you advice as I'm pretty much the least qualified person to know what you "should" do. Well, that and also you didn't ask for it.
However, I will remind you that we're told that amends need not necessarily be made in person and we are also excused if doing so would cause harm. My understanding is that this potential harm includes yourself. In my book, you are the most important person in this equation and you deserve to do what's best for you. Seems like an awfully big risk to go there for anything short of anything like a needed stem cell donation. At least at this time.
xo
O
p.s. Pre-emptive confession. Not sure I ever thought of that one. Sort of like early voting, huh?
You know I love you, right?