I know people are telling you not to see grandma, but it’s really hard to do that when you feel pulled to it, sometimes if it just won’t let you be, it’s something you might feel you need to do.
I’ve had my own situations in sobriety that produced a heck of a lot of anxiety, but I felt I needed to do them. As you all know I too used anxiety meds once for the hardest one for me (the plane trip) which aroused all sorts of responses here that I knew I’d get, ultimately it seems pills just don’t fire me up (or even work all that well: was still crazy anxious) but if they do for you, I’d watch it. If you know you like it too much, and you know it fires up other cravings like alcohol, a hard line approach with it with your own self talk (“I’m not touching that stuff, etc”) might be best, as you go into situations like this.
Now that I think about it, when I did use Valium on that plane, I had some pretty strong alcohol thoughts before, during, after the flight and during the vacation, so for full disclosure I have to say I don’t know. Vacation may have sparked cravings....or maybe the inflight Valium is what made sobriety harder. The decision not to drink is always there, but sobriety is sometimes easy, sometimes hard. And often it’s what I’m doing at the time that makes it easy or hard. In the end, is it worth it to tempt fate?
Needless to say I’m not too excited to go on vacations at all....and honestly, holidays are the same. They’re just hard sometimes. They can have really bright spots but there is stress there too, and I think that’s why it’s become a cultural obsession to drink too much, and also eat too much, around this time.
If you need to see your family, see your family. But protect yourself. Make a plan to escape in small ways. Meditate. Exercise. Call a friend in the next room. Go outside for a brisk walk by yourself. Whatever it takes to distract, soothe, and/or remove yourself from the situation if you feel pulled to use or drink.