Yes.
I still have to remind myself that I’m a serious alcoholic. But without the daily fight, life changes.
We had to adapt hard and fast to early sobriety and we battled, but then another adaptation had to take place too.
How to live life without the dramatic swings up and down. Without the drama. Without using all our might and sweat to keep that heavy lid on our emotions or slippery situations or alcoholic thoughts, what do we do, and how do we live this way?
I had never really lived without the ups and downs, the swings, the drama, the danger, the chaos. It was 30 years of this bullsh1t and 2 years is NOT enough time to adapt to this person I am now, I don’t totally recognize her, honestly.
Right now, she seems kind of depressed and sad, but as I said: it’s only been two years, I’m repeating these milestones (like Xmas) and realizing despite it seeming like a long time without a drink, I can’t even fill out a hand with the number of times I’ve done the holiday sober by choice (I don’t count pregnancy, that’s sobriety for the tiny ones, not for me).
But, that thought process that nothing on earth, not even the worst thing imaginable is a reason for a drink, persists; and carries me through, and you know what with each day that passes with me believing that, I just believe it more.
We may always struggle with simple sh1t, in fact there are ways we approach life that may actually be consequences of the way we poisoned our brains for years on end. So deep breath and thanks for being alive and step, breathe, step, breathe, step.....