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Old 12-11-2019, 01:51 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
makomago
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Cambridgeshire, UK
Posts: 215
Originally Posted by dancook99 View Post
easier said than done Ive found
I'm afraid so, but that's the way the world spins.

When I was a child I used to get really cross with my best friends parents... they wouldn't let my friends go swimming because "they can't swim". I used to think... you can't swim because you don't go swimming. Not going swimming perpetuates the problem. Bloody well go swimming!

Anyway, once its done (or mostly done/progressing - and I don't mean the swimming ;-)) you can say it with ease, it's called experience. That doesn't mean doing it is easy.

There is a choice. Live with the grief and the pain and find ever more cunning ways to avoid doing the painful bit adding a little bit more as time goes on and perpertuating avoidance and denial traits (of the codependent/Adult Child) or....

'Go back through our lives' in a process of self examination and discover, uncover, grieve the grief etc etc so that one can live more peacefully on a day to day basis. Safe in the knowledge that its only the new grief to attend to and not the cumulative grief ONTOP of the new grief.

A friend of mine, new to ACA but in very long term recovery rfom alcoholism, said this to me once (a good few years back now)... and I found it rather chilling and disturbing (then and now) but its a perfect description of not doing what needs to be done;

"I've buried all these problems, all these issues and I keep adding to them and burying more because I can't face it, I can't face the pain.... the problem is I buried them all alive and they're trying to get out and some of them do get out and they come back to haunt me"

******* YIKES almighty!!!!

Yep... it's not easy, but when you consider the alternative it's probably easier in the long term than not.

The worst two erroneous beliefs and pieces of flawed thinking I seen summarised as 1. Not believing I'm responsible for my own happiness and 2. Not believing I can cope with my own pain.

Armed with these two mistaken beliefs I was able to perpetuate my own problems and avoid doing what I needed to do for myself for many years all much to the detriment of my well being (phyically, mentally & spiritually)... not to mention to the detriment of those in my immediate circle.

But each to their own. My way and journey isn't the only way. More than one way to skin a cat etc etc

Do what you gotta do. Stuff'll happen on the way, but with a half decent attitude they'll be viewed as lessons and not mistakes.

Take it easy and if I'm not back before....

A merry christmas & happy new year to you all

Makomago
Somewhere in the U.K
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