My mother always said to give everyone a chance.
I don't think it was that. I think I let him in because there was an understanding of each other and I felt like I could trust him. I've had trust issues in the past so to let him in as close as I did was a big deal.
I just think it's because there's a special connection. You'll probably rip me apart for that, but it is what I felt.
No ripping apart from me! Do you see a connection between these three things? I know exactly what you mean in the first instance. I am also a person who always gives people a chance (or did). I figured I will trust someone until they show me they can't be trusted. Seems logical. Based on my experiences, I have tempered that a bit. Now, I will trust, of course (what choice do you have) but I will absolutely scrutinize actions, not words.
That special connection you are talking about. What can be deeper than someone telling you all their deepest darkest secrets? This is a common thing with addiction, not something special to him. Addicts don't become addicts in a vacuum. There is a reason they drug. This can be an ultimate coping mechanism, a way to cover emotions and feelings, to escape responsibility and suffering. There is no such thing as a happy addict, doesn't happen.
So the fact that he has all these demons and dysfunction and unhappiness and life altering situations and sadness and revelations to share with you is - different. It does create a bond, it does make for something different and special. It also allowed you to share your own deep feelings.
If you want to really see how all that works, read through Hardlessons threads.
The truth is, for all his sharing, you never entered his world.
These are, of course my opinions based on my observations.
You are taking care of yourself and I'm so glad to hear that. I get the Amsterdam thing and that you trust you are making a solid decision, you do seem to be very level-headed and this, of course, will take you far.