Originally Posted by Sam31p

Phew, what a time that has passed since my last post.

Have I been drunk since my last post? Nope. Have I drunk since my last post? Yes.

Since last posting I've had a massive think about my life again. I've been in touch with the Samaritans and been viewing mental health sites.

I've started developing a mentality that I don't care what anyone else thinks, says or does (in a good way). Typically I go out, symptoms shatter things, I feel low, embarrassed and turn to drink to self medicate.

Actually though, what I've been thinking recently is does it matter? Does it matter if I'm shaking and so on? It's not nice and does prevent me socialising, but where I live isn't the sort of place to socialise. It's a small town and people just keep themselves to themselves, so even if I didn't have symptoms, I wouldn't be able to be a part of the community anyway.

With that being said, since last posting I've been out loads, keeping that mindset and facts in my head. I've been to a coffee shop 3 times, had the coffee and came home (no drinks), got food shopping in twice and have been walking the dog every day.... Things I haven't achieved in years.

By all means, ale is a massive passion of mine. The taste, history behind the brewers and different varieties, but drinking to self medicate like I have been isn't enjoying it, it's misusing it and once drunk it's just a liquid I'm pouring into myself to become even more drunk.

Planning ahead has been a thing. Making a plan for tomorrow then thinking in the evening "Would I like to feel drunk tonight? Yes", "Am I going to feel drunk tonight? No as tomorrow will be a write off and I will be back on that bad path"

Drinking wise I haven't drunk at the pub at all since before last posting. I've had the equivalent of 2 bottles at home this week but in that mindset of "I've done a lot of tidying today, got a lot done, I will have a beer as a treat with dinner". Then haven't even been able to finish it.

Currently after a very busy day I'm sat here with 1/4 of a bottle left over from 2 days ago. Small sips while dinner cooks and the washing machine is in action.

If I can continue this pattern.... Get on with stuff for a few days then have one day where I have a single beer as a treat with dinner, then I'm on that good path again.

Hopefully eventually I can find another hobby to eliminate even drinking one as a treat every few days. Maybe getting more into coffee at home and enjoying that instead.