Hi there. 9 years. That sucks u r going thru this again. My H just did this again too after 3.5 years. I have been all over the place. Lol. Loving, empathetic, raging, firm, confused, angry, sad. Now I am just worn out. I put a post about it and someone asked me if I had stopped working my own recovery. Turns out I prob never really worked one. When it's chaos, (at least for me) i felt like everything was always all about him. Even in MY therapy, all we ever talked about was him. And I was tired of him. I signed back up with therapy this last week for myself. I am just taking it one day at a time. I have also been very open with my husband in telling him not only do I not want to be around if he wants to go back to drinking, but I also just can't do it. The kids and I deserve better. I know if it starts to go spiraling, then I need to be prepared and strong enough to leave. And I am also reminding myself not to panic and take things as they come. Hugs to you and your husband. Being an alcoholic has to suck. I know my husband would love to let loose and just have a few drinks. But, it could cause utter devastation. So I pray he keeps that in mind, makes good choices, and gets the help he needs to get him to a place where he is comfortable again.