Zevin,
Thanks so much for sharing. Yes! You nailed it. I have practically the same situation here. My husband drinks no more than 3 (max) in one sitting, but he is a frequent drinker.
Talk to him? Yes, I have. He is very concerned and perhaps I haven’t been too specific about how having alcohol around affects me. I lie and say I am good/fine/happy when I am not. I obsess about it when it’s around. Just admitting that is difficult.
There is so much stigma not only in alcoholism, but also recovery. I hate asking him to change his behavior, but right now, I am not doing well and I need a bit of accommodation. As I talk myself through this, the only solution is being very honest with him.