Hey WL
Drinking really only amplified my pain by the end.
It made me more angry, more resentful, and even more full of despair.
I know your moms death weighs heavily on your mind but I also know you were drinking before that happened too tho, so the solution is bound to be more complex than simply stop drinking.
At some point we have to deal with the underlying stuff too.
Thats scary.
I don't think you're clueless - I think you drink because, for whatever reason, it's the only option you know of at this point to deal with those feelings, those wounds..
Trying other things is scary, but I really hope you'll put the bottle down.
If there were answers in the bottle we'd all be emotional geniuses and never need the help of a place like SR.
D