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Old 12-04-2019, 12:38 PM
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AutumnMama
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Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 160
He wants me to move in with him...

I will give a bit of backstory because I'm not sure how memorable my story is around these parts! haha

XAH had an alcohol incident, went to mandatory detox in June of 2017. He quit drinking after that except for one relapse I know about. He refused to attend AA but started going to an addiction-specialist therapist. He went to him for about a year.

XAH moved out of family home in April of 2018 (after I found out he had hid taking prescription medicine from me, and had spy cameras in the house so he could sneak outside and smoke cigarettes). He moved in to an apartment over the garage at his parents house.

On the urging of therapists, we went to marriage counseling in the fall of 2018. During these meetings he told me he wanted a divorce, that he never loved me, and he needed to live alone for the rest of his life. The therapist basically said there wasn't anything else she could do if he wanted a divorce, so that was that.

He never actually initiated anything regarding the divorce. I finally convinced him to go to a mediator earlier this year. Our divorce was final in August. Not much drama involved in that. I got mostly what I wanted. He has our son every other weekend and on Thursday evenings for dinner.

We sold the family house in July. I moved into an apartment I've been renting since.

He bought a house and moved out of his parents place about a month ago.

He has supposedly not been drinking this entire time. I haven't caught him drunk. I did find out that he had drained his personal savings account (which contained some of my money, that I got back in the divorce) and was withdrawing large sums of money from ATMs (he still is). I also am pretty sure he had a secret PO Box and he was sending things via FedEx at pretty regular intervals (this is not something he would normally do). I know he takes Adderall--he has a prescription (but I don't think he has ADHD) and has lost a ton of weight. He looks bad. I think he's become addicted to something else--hence the cash withdrawals--but I have no idea what and no evidence of anything. He is holding it together pretty well, but I did have a coworker confide in me that he seems "like an addict" without knowing anything about our history or his situation. But for the most part nobody really suspects anything.

We work together, and at a work function a few weeks ago, he had to give a presentation. He seemed so...off... during the presentation (like jittery, nervous, losing his train of thought) that I had to leave the room because it was triggering me. He also was a no-show to a large group dinner the night before... that was at his favorite restaurant and he seemed excited to go to.

He's been pretty cordial to me this entire time. I've been cordial to him. There is no fighting unless you count him lecturing me via text messages about stupid things (I asked for some money for winter clothes/boots once). I invite him to some outings with our son. I actually spent Thanksgiving with his extended family because I don't really have my own life here yet.

He asked me to lunch on Monday. I agreed because it sounded like he wanted to talk about something. At lunch he told me he had been having "epiphanies" lately and due to a dream he had the night before, wanted to run something by me. He said that he wanted me to move into his house when my lease is up in July. He told me not to respond yet so I just sat and listened. He said that he has no idea how big of an impact us living separate would have on our son. That he dipped his toe into the dating waters and realized he hates 95% of women and doesn't want to spend 5 years dating to find one of the 5% that he likes. He said he still loves me and wants to give our relationship another try. And if it doesn't work out, that I can stay in the house and he will move back in with his parents again. He said he didn't want to get married again--because his biggest 'issue' with our marriage was that he felt like he gave more into the relationship than he got out of it, and if we weren't married, he wouldn't care as much.

He has been trying to upsell his house to me since then. He sent me a diary he took while I was pregnant, as a sweet gesture, I guess.

I haven't responded at all to any of this. My brain is mostly in the camp of "what the F--- is he thinking?" but there is 10% of my brain that is thinking "maybe he actually isn't drinking, maybe he's okay, maybe you are sensationalizing and being paranoid, etc"

His whole M.O. the past two years has been to BE ALONE. He says he can't handle being around people for that long. When we lived together he would "go to bed" at 6:30 PM and would hole up with his ipad and do who-knows-what while I put our son to sleep. He would barely even come into the office, and would work at home, until he got reprimanded for that recently. He never really shows up at family functions unless required, and when he does, he finds some excuse to escape. Why does he think he wants to live 24/7 with someone? Does he just want someone to take care of him?

What do I do to quiet the part of my brain that is saying 'you might regret this if you say no'? This would be so much easier if I had some actual proof that he is still sick.
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