SoberFreckles

I have been sober for about 3 years, and in many ways my life has improved a lot over this period. I am lucky in that I rarely struggle too much with craving alcohol, these days, but I think I might be in a lot of denial about how much this is simply because i have dealt with feelings by using one of my other handy addictions (primarily shopping and eating).

I have been working intensely with a therapist, so I am able to tell myself that I am ‘doing stuff’ but my spending addiction has almost reached crisis point, so I am obviously kidding myself. I am clearly avoiding doing the ’right’ stuff.

My therapist is a strong advocate of the 12 steps. I have been to both ACA and AA meetings and I don’t seem to be able to throw myself into them. I keep my distance. I hate needing help. I hate asking for help. I cannot see how ‘fellowship’ is better than relying on myself. Part of me doesn’t want anything from anyone else. But my current debt level (and ever expanding waistline) shows this is not working for me.

I guess I would just love to hear how others who are used to being self reliant (and proud. And stubborn) have found fellowship to be helpful and healing rather than terrifying and something to avoid at all costs.

Thanks for reading.