CT4......to give you my response to some of your questions.....
"What if he decides to come clean and get sober again?".
Don't expect him to "come clean". He probably won't....and, EVEN if he did...I have seen lots and lots of alcoholics sit in bars and openly admit to alcoholism....
It is typical for alcoholics to make promises over and over and over...sometimes for decades....banking on the trust that the non-alcoholic partner is desperate enough to hold onto that hope....In some cases, I think the mean it at the moment that they say it...but, the alcoholism pull is so strong that they can't let go of the drink. That pull is powerful.
Another word....You ask "what boundaries are reasonable"....The right question would be "What boundaries are necessary for the best welfare of me and my daughter?"
There is a subtle, yet, very important difference, here....
One makes RULES for other in terms of what might be reasonable or not, to expect of them.
One makes BOUNDARIES for one's own self to protect themselves and own best interests...…
When dealing with rules made for another...a certain amount of co-operation is assumed...…
When dealing with boundaries....it is incumbent on yourself to enforce those boundaries....no matter what you have to do! Boundaries come from within yourself, so to speak.....
****Another important point...do not announce a boundary that you are unable or unwilling to enforce or carry through on....Otherwise, they learn that your words are hollow....
I have so much more that I would lik e to share with you...but, right now, my fingers are cramping up.....lol....I need a break....and a cup of tea.....