CT4...…..I suggest that you detach yourself from your efforts/desire for him to admit his drinking to you. You are the last person that he is likely to admit to drinking. LOL....I have seen alcoholics admit to drinking, while they are lifting the glass to their lips....
You know what you know, and you don't need his admission to go forth with what is best for you and your daughter.
Trust what you KNOW....
Don't be swayed by an admission of drinking. There is a big difference between an "admission"....and quitting drinking.
Also, don't be fooled by the promise to "get help". Actions speak louder than words.
This is a slippery slope of false hope for the non-alcoholic spouse. It is not uncommon for the alcoholic to make just enough half-measures to keep the spouse off their back. Meeting with a counselor and attending occasional AA meetings. Lying or minimizing to the counselor---blaming all on the non-alcoholic spouse....sitting in AA meetings but not really absorbing the material. There is a saying...."Sitting in a garage does not make one a car"....
I wholly agree to proceed with caution with the counselor....many good counselors are not experienced in working with addicts or alcoholics. This requires specialixed training and experience in alcohoilism.
It is generally true that few marriage therapists will see a couple IF they know the extent of alcoholic or drug abuse. There are actually good reasons for this.
They will insist that the alcohol drinking be curtailed before working with a couple. They know that the therapy won't work in these situations.
If this counselor is not really skilled with alcoholics...he might wind her around his little finger and paint you as the Bad Guy in the marriage....
I think that your daughter would benefit from being out of an alcoholic home before she hits the teen years....Living in an alcoholic home is far more damaging to a child...any child. I can gurantee you that she knows more about what is going on than you assume that she does....
If he has been miserable for you to be around...you can bet that she is m iserable and scared, also....
One safe, predictable, stable parent will give her the best chance, in life. You are a role model for her....
The energy spent on the alcoholic spouse is best spent o n parenting the child.....After all, it is the children that are most affected by the alcoholism.....even more than you....!