Well he officially agreed to restarting the 6 month clock when we had the conversation about it, not when he got the DUI. So I have almost 6 whole months before I need to worry about overnights.

In the meantime, he’s has his maybe 6th cancellation for stomach issues. Two weeks ago he cancelled for that reason, and then again today because he was in the ER with uncontrollable vomiting and a fever last night. He texted me a photo of his wristband so I believe he went in. Tells me it’s a bug. Sure sounds to me like any break he got from falling apart physically as a result of the few months booze free is wearing off. This is very much one of the symptoms he had before is big hospitalization a year ago.

I’m sure he lied in the ER, probably lied to me about what they said (if they took half a second to check his files). But every time I get a text in the middle of the night I expect it is him or someone on his behalf telling me he’s in the hospital for another episode of acute liver failure. This was a more minor version of that, but I can’t help but think it’s starting exactly as expected.

It feels ghoulish to be watching from the sidelines for when he falls apart completely. It makes me sad for him. Sad for my kid that this is the dad I gave her. Relieved again I didn’t buy it when he said he would change. And then I think, it sure looks like I will be right that six months will be long enough for him to be completely and obviously unable to care for her and I won’t have to give him more chances to damage her.

I know we all know how rare and difficult it is for someone this far down the rabbit hole to make a change and save their own life. But it is still shocking to watch this happen a second time, when no reasonable person could deny the cause and where it ends after what happened last time. Yes, sure, alcoholics are not reasonable people. But anyone with two brain cells to rub together should be able to tell where this ends up. And yet here it goes.