Thank you all for the words of caution.
It definitely does feel different this time than the last couple of times we have "tried things again". We have been in communication and have seen each other only a handful of times but are taking it slow. The other times it felt like we went in so hard and almost acted as if nothing bad ever happened between us. We are both making sure that we are still taking time for ourselves. We haven't even been saying "I love you". I think previously we both put such a high expectation on each other and this time we're not so there isn't that constant anxiety of "what is this? what are we? are we back together? will this work?" Day by day.
I admit that it is challenging to be talking him again and not call him "my boyfriend" considering our history but I am happy to have him in my life rather than not at all. I am not totally closing the book to other guys either - but I am not out there seeking them. I only have one foot in the hot tub so-to-speak. He is still earning my trust back after all...
My biggest concern now is our different lifestyles. He is sober and VERY spiritual now. I am very much on the outside surface of spirituality slowly starting to explore it. It has always been a goal of mine. I worry that he may want to be with someone that is as sober & spiritual as him.
I know there is the chance of getting hurt again but I have not been totally convinced that I can walk away from this.
Is there anyone that has been in this position before? I do feel our relationship getting stronger and more multi-layered throughout all of this.