Originally Posted by honeypig

Since your A was sober for several years, I wonder if that's what happened to you to some extent--you were able to breathe a sigh of relief and go back to "normal" life and its challenges rather than continuing to work your own recovery, which probably didn't seem like much of a priority any more. Again, I'm not judging you or saying any of this is your fault--of course it's not! I'm only suggesting that your tools for dealing with it may be rusty or hard to locate b/c you haven't had to use them for some time.

I'm sorry you're dealing with what must feel like a terrific betrayal. I don't know if you ever heard anyone say "the alcoholic is just drinking, he's not drinking AT you." The first time I heard this, it put things in a whole new light for me. He's drinking b/c he's an alcoholic, NOT to spite me or defy me or whatever else. And for me, being able to not take those things personally was a huge step towards being able to make better choices for myself (or make choices AT ALL, rather than just being carried along on emotion and reaction to someone else's choices!