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Old 11-25-2019, 08:23 AM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Sam31p
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Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 69
Absolutely. Well I can hand on heart say the last few days has been a huge turning point. Something that hasn't happened for a good 10 years.

The drinking the past few days (and smoking too many cigarettes that went with it) has been very sobering, so to speak.

The first thing was actually a worrying thought that if I carry on like this, I doubt I will be alive come the end of next year, that's for sure.

What I've spent years doing is look at what I don't have. Yes I might have very little, but that very little is still something. If I lose that very little, I will soon be wishing I had it back.

Symptoms by all means are a killer, but alcohol creates a warped perception of the reality and is worse. Sure it feels great but it's not real, like I said, a massive buzz, but then it has to end and what good did it do? Gave me a short amount of time on my own in an imaginary drunken world at the expense of my health.

I wouldn't choose to smoke 40, maybe even 50 cigarettes in a day, but when drinking it's done without even thinking. Then at silly o'clock cooking pure junk instead of a healthy meal that takes too long when in that state, all for what? For a few hours of being away from reality in the imaginary drunken world.

What I can actually do is walk my dog to a field down the road. It's a great field, quiet, peaceful, great views and it's entirely real. Sure, the anxiety won't allow me to be there for hours but in short burst of 2 or 3 walks a day for 20 minutes a time is doable.

I really do think I've been kidding myself, a lot. Eating a pizza is real and so is watching a good film. Alcohol is poisoning me to a zone that isn't real at all.

This change starts right about now.... and yes.... I am going to the pub with my dog right after typing this........ Only with a £2 coin that isn't even enough to buy any alcohol there, but it will get me a refreshing pint of coke. Yes no doubt anxiety symptoms will be through the roof, but I've gotta start saying "so what? It's better to be shaking in a reality, than not in a drunken fantasy".
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