Thanks No Doubt,
The problem is that the only finances we have are mine. He has no finances except his retirement account which is much reduced with the stock market. So I am supporting him and the kids alone. I can get a checking account with only my name on it and maybe I will, but that won't change the fact that I still have to pay for everything and there is not enough income unless I cut things out we have become used to. That is where my anger comes in, having to reduce my comforts because of his choices.
I have been praying for the willingness to see my situation from a different perspective. In the mean time I have to face reality and start to live within my means. My problem is that I make financial decisions based on emotion. If I think something is a good cause I send money, whether I have the extra or not. If my kids need something I give it to them if it seems reasonable. If I want to buy new make-up or have my hair done, then I do it. This activity blows the budget that I don't even have! But I hate facing this reality because it means restricting myself and I don't want to. I know this makes no sense, I am just trying to be honest about what I do that gets me into trouble. So when my husband sees me buy a bunch of new makeup and yet won't give him $5 for beer he thinks something is not right. At the same time he knows it is not right that he is not working.
My sponser said something to me the other day. You know how I feel about spending money? Well maybe thats how my husband feels about drinking: He knows it is a problem but he just wants to do what he wants to do. That made me see this in a slightly different light. So the key is focus on me and get my money problems straightened out. Stop focusing on my husband and how he should get a job(when no matter what job he had I still would have the money probelm).
Back to focusing on myself. Thanks for listening.