You seem to be very self-aware which no doubt has set you free.
Just going back to the counsellor I mentioned, I remember a group exercise I did with her which I found very powerful, although some people didn't!, and it seems relevant to what you've been saying. Of course you have to do it to experience it but she gave us some plasticene and asked us to make a human figure out of it, representing ourselves, and then place it in the palm of our hand. She then asked us to distort the figure, by for example bending an arm or a leg, and then look at it as us, as broken beings, but through the eyes of a loving God who loves us even though we are damaged people. If you don't believe in God, you could look at it through your own eyes but in a self-loving way. I really did find it moving and I remember one guy absolutely crying his eyes out. Accepting that we are loved - by God, ourselves and others - despite being imperfect is very difficult but very healing. Thanks for this positive thread Wholesome.