Thanks all for the messages of support - my life is kinda boring so there's not much to comment on these days, but I definitely appreciate it.
The new employee is doing very well. It's nice to have someone to talk to, and we've been getting a lot done in terms of organizing and dealing with things I've put off for so long. It's also made me realize that I really, truly wasn't putting 100% into my job for a long time because trying to catch up just felt hopeless. And that only contributed to why things are messy now. It's not terrible, just daily tasks that build up over time that I wasn't able (or willing) to get done. Like digging yourself out of a hole with a spoon while a back hoe is dumping more dirt on you every five minutes.
I'm not dwelling on it or feeling bad about it really, because what's done is done and I did my best (mostly) with what I had, but now that there's someone else here to help, it feels like we really can get everything in order. It's nice. So (as usual) my anxiety was unfounded and things are all right. I think that's an important technique when dealing with anxiety about stuff. You have to consciously separate the anxiety from reality, understand what it is and where it comes from, and then hold it in a little box until the event happens so it doesn't spread. It's still there, but it's managed. And once things turn out okay, it'll go away. And if they don't? Well you're in the situation, so you'll handle it. You'll get through to the other side, tomorrow will come, and things will most likely be okay.
Another good thing is that drinking is far in the back of my mind, these days. A lot of the time I don't even think about alcohol. It's been interesting to realize that I've gone a whole day without thinking about it once. I really think I'm doing this, you guys. I really think I'm truly in recovery, working my personal program, doing my best, and beating this. As I keep saying, I'm always going to be vigilant and do what I can to live in recovery, but.....I think I'm doing it. Wild.
Anyway, I bought new coffee beans today - chocolate cinnamon swirl flavor. So I'm going to go make a cup of that and settle in to the work day.
Things are good.