Clowery, my AH deflects all blame onto me too. I've blown up our relationship due to menopause, depression, working too much, the way the wind is blowing, the alignment of Jupiter in Saturn's path in the new moon's phase...... Its all a convenient way for him to avoid facing his own issues. He won't acknowledge he has a problem with alcohol.
This is all pretty standard for me now.
I've come to realise that in a partnership I deserve love, respect, support, and meaningful communication. Unfortunately setting boundaries around how i will be treated is not going down well with him. He's becoming more sarcastic and nasty. Our own recovery is rocky, but I'm slowly moving forward. Im not stopping this process for me.
Have you put any boundaries in place for you? Are you still around him when he drinks, for example?