SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post - Daily Ramblings, Check Ins, and Maybe Other Stuff
Old 11-12-2019, 06:18 PM
  # 96 (permalink)  
dpac414
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Time for another update. Nothing much has been happening, but I figured I'd check in and take some time to reflect.

We finally hired someone to help me with the billing at my office and she starts tomorrow. So that'll be a relief to have someone to split the work with. Kinda anxious to be honest, because in some ways I feel threatened, like she'll do a better job than me or something. Which you know, maybe she will. It was never my intention to stay in that job forever, and if there's someone better suited then great, good. I still need to do my best. It's just weird because I feel like i should feel happy, and instead I'm just feeling competitive. Brains are weird.

I also have a psych appointment tomorrow, so I'm going to have to leave exactly at 3:30 and I'm supposed to be training this girl tomorrow and as I'm typing this I'm realizing I'm actually having a significant amount of anxiety about it. Ugh.

I still get somewhat random pangs of missing good ol' Manfred, which I wish would just go away already, because it's annoying. Another emotion to have to deal with that I'm super over having to deal with.

BUT. This post is feeling negative, so I'm going to practice some gratitude. Here goes.
- I discovered a new band this week! It was recommended to me by a friend and I am digging them very much. Jukebox the Ghost is the name. Good vibes.
- I had a quiet evening to myself and ate some bomb stuffed peppers with mashed potatoes and carrots which was so good so that was nice.
- Because the new billing person asked for a higher salary than what I currently make, they are "bringing me up to speed" with mine and increasing it by an entire 10k/year. Which y'all. That's ******* life changing. Granted, I was barely making anything to begin with so this is pretty much bringing me up to a livable wage, it's still amazing.
- My cat is sitting with me and purring and I love her.

So things are all right. They're standard. And that's not a bad thing. I always have to resist putting myself in situations that aren't great for me because I need to get some kind of rush. It's that lovely addiction talking and I have to cool it. Alcohol, drugs, sex, risky stuff, it's all the same. Just feels like the weeks are moving so quickly and I can't really stop for a second and just enjoy the time as it goes. Maybe I need to work ore on mindfulness or something, I dunno.

Otherwise, I'm still doing very well. Always improving.
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