Hi Jessie, I am sorry to hear of your losses. Losing our mom is really a tough one.
Your post hit closer to home than usual. I have been where you are at. Especially the morning drinking to escape the day. I was doing it every day after swearing off. Cant lie, it helped the first hour or so, and then the remorse moved in, that led to a blackout mess mid day. It was a vicious cycle. I knew I couldn't keep on like that, but knew of no way to get off the nightmare ride.
I too dumped it out. Sometimes for me, sometimes for others. It didnt work, but little did I know..it was getting me closer to quitting. It was the beginning of some action, any action. That is what you need...action.
You mentioned an AA meeting. I would strongly suggest that. Thats what I did, and I cant tell you how much it helped. I needed to be around people who understood and could tell me exactly how they stopped. I did what they did and have been sober for a while.
Make no mistake, if you keep going the way you are, the chance of losing your family is quite real. Alcohol doesnt care what it takes. It wants to take everything from you. Please dont let it. You can get well, I promise. You just have to take some action, and be willing to do something different.
Stay close to SR and check out a meeting, it certainly cant hurt. Wishing you well.