BIGHUGS for you my dear. I can really feel your pain. I hope you will be very gentle with yourself and know that you are way better off without him.
Just remember for people like us the addict is our addiction and we can get even sicker than they are. I hope you will continue reaching out for support. I am very thankful to alanon for helping me get past the hurt and the insanity of living with someone in active addiction. I found a very good sponsor who understood and listened and gave me great ideas about how I could keep the focus on myself. Keep your head up and don't let this guy take you down he is not worth it.