That's a heavy load you are carrying and I am glad you brought it here. I hope you can find some peace and happiness for yourself amid the darkness of addiction that surrounds you.
Have you tried Al-anon for some support? Or just taking time to go out with some girlfriends for coffee or lunch? Taking care of you is the most important thing here, maybe just try finding a few hours every day that is all yours, to go for a walk or read a book or listen to music...anything that will help heal your spirit.
Hugs