Justwantadonut

Hello all. I've been lurking here for awhile but never needed to post. I've been going to Al Anon for several years as well.

The crises that brought me to Al Anon in the first place led me to set a boundary for myself never to associate with addicts again. But around a year ago I met a man, who was clearly an alcoholic.... but I decided a 'casual' relationship couldn't hurt. He was great and I made my boundary known from the beginning- that I wasn't looking for anything serious, and he respected that.

Well I'm sure you can guess where this story ends. My previous qualifier had been abusive, so in spite of the drinking a person who treated me well, respected my boundaries, seemed to have a high degree of emotional maturity in spite of daily drinking caused me to question my original firm boundary. He was nothing like the last one... so things did get serious in spite of my original plan.

I never questioned or criticized the drinking. It was only a few beers a day, anyways! I drink that much myself at times. That's a fraction of what I was used to from the previous mess of a relationship I was in. Until he decided, seemingly of his own accord, that he wanted to stop. THAT'S WHEN THINGS GOT WEIRD, WHAT THE HELL??

Suddenly after that point, he's sneaking around, meeting friends without telling me, staying out all night etc. None of this was a thing before. I said hey, whatever you're going through or wanna do is cool- just keep me in the loop please! I honestly don't care if you wanna go out and drink, I know you want to stop but totally not holding it against you! And I just would like some communication about where you're at!

No such luck. Now here I am... he took *my* car to go get pizza and paper towels around 10 pm last night, which incidentally had my phone and purse inside of it, and it's now 6 am and no sign of him. I tried texting him from an ipad around 1 am, asking when he'd be back, and he replied "very soon". A couple more texts after that with no reply. Typical right? Now I've been up all night, phoneless, carless, and purseless...wondering if he'll be back in time for me to get to work in the morning.

I feel stupid for allowing myself to be in this situation, again. At least this time his stuff is already waiting outside for whenever he returns.... I'm getting out after 1 year this time, rather than 3 and 5 with the last two. And I am so done with relationships for awhile.

Thanks for reading, typing this got me feeling a bit better.