Hechosedrugs

I'm really getting sad about my son. His dad constantly breaks promises, cancels his supervised visits, and straight up lies to him about everything under the sun. Yet it's me he holds a grudge against. He has so much anger toward me. It's so frustrating that I'm doing everything I can to give my kids a good childhood, but their dad can do the bare minimum (not even, really) and they think he walks on water. He straight up refuses to pay child support and instead buys them fancy gifts. Well, wouldn't I love to show boat like that! Instead I'm stuck buying all the necessities and can't afford the fun stuff. Sometimes I feel so exhausted just keeping things afloat that I almost envy him for being able to get high and just shirk all his responsibilities. People keep telling me that my kids will see the truth someday, but I know that's not always true. I've heard so many grownups complain about their mothers, who raised them on their own. A lot of times they express resentment when their dads tell them the "truth" about what "really" happened. It seems they're so glad to finally have a father figure that they take his word as gold, when let's face it- if he wanted to be in their lives he would have at least petitioned the court- at least tried! I guess I'm just feeling like they'll always want to believe in him, and the nonsense he tells them. I'm so afraid of violating our court order I never speak ill of him, but he has no problem telling them all kinds of lies about me. And I know better than to take him to court. I fought this hard to finally get my children safe, I don't want to rock the boat one bit. So frustrated!