Welcome Shy Rose,
Thank you for sharing your story. It helps me to realize why I need to be and stay Sober
for it really does affect the people you love.
My previous roommate had a passion for rock climbing. Went at least 5 X a week. Made her feel strong! I would love to try some day. Its so nice that you
have a passion/hobby that you care tremdously about.
Please reach out to friends and family board. There is much wisdom and will be invaluable to you. They will be able to empathize with you as oppose to sympathize.
So glad you are taking care of you and are asking for help. You are a strong person that has been through a lot. I have been through a lot myself living with this disease. I am grateful for any serenity, peace and genuine happiness.
I wish that for you in your life as well. You deserve the best.