How To Address It?
Howdy Folks,
Background -
So I am 25 and my alcoholic mother recently lost her father, my grampa. This was her last surviving parent who she was financially and emotionally dependant on. As such she turned to the bottle. I sat in the liquor store parking lot with here. I was crying because “I lost my grampa and I felt like I was losing my mother too.” Of which I told her. This was the first time I had addressed my concern to my mom. I never spoke up before because I knew she would hide it from me. She never hid her drinking from me before which gave me some sense of control, I could keep tabs. At that point, she growled at me and took me back to the house (I was visiting as my grandpa was sick) then disappeared.
I cried in the spare room for what seemed like hours. My mom didn’t talk to me for the rest of the stay. My aunts and uncles visited and said that she was not drinking. She was doing really well considering the situation. Fools! I went back down as the family was told, this is it. Grandpa is dying. I couldn’t believe it. My great grandma passed, then 3 years my grandma (the person who actually raised me) passed, then 2 years my other great grandma passed, then 1 year and my granda pa. Here we are today and this weekend is the last of the services. I can’t help but think that my mom will be next. Heck or even my brother, but that is for a different forum.
A few days after my grandpa passed and everyone cleared out of the house except me and my uncle as we planned to stay a bit longer. I had talked to him about her drinking and he had not clue. She was good at hiding it from everyone except me. However, she was not good at hiding it from me because I knew all the tricks. I could tell if she had been drinking by the sound of her voice on the phone. By the look in her eye. She had made a mistake. I was sitting outside with my uncle and she had left her cup on the table. She had gone to the store. I reached over and took a sip then passes it to my uncle who nearly choked with how strong it was. “Yeah” is all I could say. When she got home I asked her when she was going to stop. She said in a week or two I just need it to take the edge off. Alcohol doesn’t work like that...
Here is my Question -
She lives in a different state but when she visited she has always stayed at my house. We had more than enough room to spare. But this time she was staying at a hotel one of her (party) friends from her past. My therapist suggests that I address her. “I know you are staying at the hotel so you can drink.” However, I am afraid that would only give her another reason to drink. Part of me wants to ask, “Why do you want to kill yourself?”. I feel like I should say something but I need more perspective.
What should I say?
~ShyRose