[QUOTE=trailmix;7304752]Hi Mishey, well, the further away you get from this addiction drama, the better off you will be.
There is a book that is very often recommended here called Codependent no more, by Melody Beattie. If you haven't read it I really recommend getting a copy, it has a great deal of really useful information about relationships and boundaries.
Second thing is, you didn't Cause it, can't Control it and can't Cure it. You have no control over him or his addiction (as it should be, he is a grown up man and should be making his own decisions, even if they are horrible).
Your ex was right about one thing, you do deserve better. It's really important to look at the reality of what has gone on and what is going on .
Shacked up on a sofa with a fellow addict in a trailer with 5 people in it? How does that equate to having an amazing relationship? Do you wonder where he is getting money from now?
- I still want to hear that they broke up and he's back at home working at getting sober.
- I want to hear from him and know that he's going to be ok.
- I want him to be healthy, if not for me then for his daughter.
It's understandable that you want all these things for someone you care about, but that doesn't make them so and he is certainly showing you no signs at all that he is interested in any of this.
He probably did love you to the best of his ability, he has now chosen to immerse himself in his addiction (or so it would seem), again, you have no control over this.
Time to look after yourself. Have you ever attended Al-Anon or Nar-Anon? You would probably find that either group would be really helpful and give you even more support.
You might also want to visit our Friends and Family of Alcoholics forum (it's a bit busier than this one) and the stickies which I'll also post
Thank you SO much I really appreciate your reply. You're right, I know I need to focus on myself and my daughters now. I spent so much time worrying about him I almost don't remember how to focus so much on myself. I will look into that book and will definitely check out those links. Addiction is a sad and lonely place. If this has taught me anything it has definitely opened my eyes to the fact that addicts are loving, caring people who went down a wrong path. It has changed my views very much watching my ex crumble firsthand. I will continue to hope he comes out of this from afar. Thanks again