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Old 10-28-2019, 07:33 AM
  # 93 (permalink)  
dpac414
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Join Date: Aug 2017
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So this weekend felt like a soul rehab, if that makes sense.

I got a bunch of stuff I liked from the grocery store after crying for thirty minutes to my mom in the parking lot, and the past two days were spent watching fun halloween shows and movies, eating cheese and crackers, making a weird halloween ginger bread house made from chocolate cookies, and ice cream sandwiches.

I feel like I've crested the hill of this particular sadness - kind of like when you have a fever and things suck until it finally breaks, then you can really start working on getting better.

There was a moment when I really, truly thought I might drink. It was right before I called my mom. I had that guilt of knowing that I was going to do it, but was definitely going to do it anyway. I thought I should call someone and talk to them for a little while to see if it helped before I did anything else, and it did. Tools of fkn sobriety, people. We gotta use them or we don't stand a chance. In the end, the whole thing felt cathartic, and I set myself up that night with some good food, apple cider, and a scary movie.

Life moves on with or without us, whether we like it or not. We can choose to confront ourselves, open our eyes, and live each day, or we can decide to hide. This certainly isn't the worst thing that has happened to me, and I'm sure it won't be last. It's hard to sit there and face something head on without an escape route. But like a bad storm, it'll pass. Leave a little wreckage, maybe a downed telephone pole, but it's nothing I can't clean up.

I'm getting too vague and metaphorical. I'll close it here. Just....hang in there everyone. You CAN do it, even if you feel like you can't. Just let yourself cry in the parking lot of Trader Joe's for a half hour and get some ice cream sandwiches, and maybe after that things will seem a little brighter.
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