Originally Posted by
JPA 
Ok, so I’m struggling. But I’ve made an interesting observation.
Generally speaking I have two modes:
1. Content, productive but on-edge (sober)
2. Unhappy, unproductive but relaxed (drunk)
If given the choice, I’m sure the average normal person would pick option 1 as the better way forward. And yet despite all I know about my mind and its flaws, I go for option 2 every time. Every day.
What’s wrong with me? Feeling relaxed, even if that means feeling relaxed about leaving my wife without a husband and leaving my kids without a dad, trumps clarity of thought and the love I honestly feel for my family during my sober hours.
It sounds thoroughly mad as I type this, but it’s the best way I can describe how I feel. Can anyone relate?
I did what you did for decades. I was selfish and lost my true values in life.
If you come to genuinely believe that a buzz is preferable to obliteration, then you will not choose to get obliterated. It’s that simple.
Do you believe that you can be happier reducing/quitting your substance use than you can be by continuing it as is? When you can answer that question in the affirmative, then you can know that you will never have to feel an “uncontrollable urge” to use problematically again.
When your values trump your addiction, there is no addiction.