#1 No.
#2 No.
#3 When you're sick of it.
#4 That is a personal decision. When you are either a)sick of it -or- b) see it isn't going to change then you make your decision.
#5 From my perspective, a hard drinker to sober for 60 days isn't in a position to tell me anything. Not to say that you aren't entitled to being treated with dignity and respect but, truthfully, you have some concerns to work through first before you become Einstein in this situation. JMHO
#6 You can be a better husband when you take care of yourself physically and mentally, and achieve a level where you can give more than you take.
I am married to a dry drunk for 7 years, now one year into recovery. Even with AA, his behaviors took months to begin to change. My thoughts are that you are more interested in *her* behavior than you are interested in what makes you tick. I also would add that, even when a person stops drinking, it doesn't mean that the underlying personality characteristics change immediately. It could very well be that she sees your newfound "Lenten experience" as one that is designed to make her look bad -- regardless of the intention. I would suggest that you question your own motives -- are they manipulative or truly altruistic?
Please know that I applaud your efforts and in no way are suggesting that you are anything less than above board. I am simply suggesting that her perception of your newfound freedom may be different than the way you are viewing your "new you."
Good luck!