I had that retching feeling at times to as I continued to try to continue my behavior. I see now that it was my body saying no way, it was poison that my body knew was not healthy. In my journey, the illness was very progressive and I started racking up consequences very quickly when I got to the point I was drinking even while feeling sick. You could try meetings. AA meetings are really helpful and you are surrounded with people just like you whom are very welcoming. Also being very present on boards like this one help. Journaling your negative feelings and experiences while you were having them will also help you to look back when you are tempted to drink after being back on track